July 21, 2011

You’ll just have to take my word for the fact that this story happened exactly this way. Only the names have been changed to protect the incompetent.

 

“Denny Dugan called, Doctor. You told him he might have trouble getting the medicine you prescribed, and that seems to be happening.”

“Hello, Mr. Dugan. Your pharmacy says they don’t have the Xolotl-PC? Can’t they order it?”

“It’s the mail-order pharmacy, Doctor, Meddle Co. They say they need to speak with you.”

“Why not try your local pharmacy?”

“I use mail order, Doctor. I’m very cost conscious.”

[Yes, I thought, you’re very cost conscious with my time.]

“Rosebud, could you please call Meddle Co.? Here’s the patient’s name, date of birth, and ID number. You have my license, DEA, and UPIN. Please buzz me when you get to the right person.”

“Hi, Doctor, it’s Rosebud. I went through four other people before I got to this one. I gave every one of them the patient’s numbers and your numbers. The second person told me that this is a covered medicine, no prior authorization needed, but I told him that someone said they needed to talk to you about it, so they kept on transferring me. Anyhow, the pharmacist is on line 6.”

“Hello, this is Dr. Rockoff. What did you need to talk to me about?”

“Good morning, Doctor. You wrote for Xolotl-PC for Mr. Dugan, manufactured by Peeples & Cootie.”

“That’s correct. Do you have it?”

“Did you want the Xolotl-PC solution?”

“I think that’s how it comes.”

“There is also a gel.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“But the gel has been discontinued.”

“I see. So you wanted to speak with me to ask whether I want the solution, or the gel that’s been discontinued?”

“Yes.”

“I think I’ll go with the solution.”

“Yes, Doctor, just wanted to check if that’s the one you want.”

“Was there anything else?”

“Yes. You wrote that Xolotl-PC is manufactured by Peeples & Cootie.”

“I just put that down in case the drug was unfamiliar and needed to be ordered.”

“So you want that manufacturer?”

“If it’s available as generic, then I don’t care whom it’s manufactured by. Does anybody else make it?”

“No.”

“Then what do you want to know?”

“We’re just checking to see if you want the product manufactured by Peeples & Cootie.”

“But nobody else makes it.”

“Yes. But we just wanted to be sure that’s the one you wanted.”

“So you told the patient that you have to speak to me because you needed to find out whether I want the solution or the gel that’s been discontinued and if I want the drug that is manufactured by its only manufacturer?”

“Yes, Doctor. We just like to check to be sure that the medication we dispense is the one you want.”

“Well, now I guess you’re sure.”

“Yes, Doctor.”

“OK. I guess I’ll go back to seeing patients now. Have a nice day.”

“You, too, Doctor.”

“Mr. Dugan, I spoke with Meddle Co., and it’s all set.”

“Thanks a million, Doc. I really appreciate it! You know how important it is these days to be cost conscious.”

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